I feel like we reached the end.
I'm Calm. Complete. Done.
Not even sure what the 'end' is. My head has been busy since Nov 2017. It stopped spinning today. I'm ready.
*salutes night shift Anons*
Catch up with you all tomorrow!
Love you all a bunch!
I've hoped, prayed, walked to church for years of my life. I've tried to stay positive, I've tried to look at those less fortunate and be greatful. I've only aimed for minimalist and what I need rather than lofty goals and all the while still fall on my face.
I've never owned more than 2 pairs of pants, I've slept on the ground or a sleeping bag for years, the only furniture i won is a plastic table and a chair. I've tried to find solutions to actually get a kickstart into life.
Everwhere i search and stride in life I have been shut down and come to dead ends. I've become a prisoner in my house, in my mind, and in society and it keeps getting worse and worse.
Every bit of hope I gain that gets ripped apart, every bit of trust I give that gets trampled on, all it does is push my one step closert to insanity.
Anxiety, dpression, high IQ, introverted, fed up, little to no family, no friends irl, all these get called 'excuses'. Just get told to 'work harder'.
I was in a dark place after my open heart surgery for about 2 years. Being emergent, i had little time to prepare. I had less than 2 weeks to live if I didnt do the surgery. As a Survivor, I developed Ptsd and Survivors guilt. I couldnt understand why I was allowed to live. Why did so many others have to die. Why me. I was no better than anyone. I literally spent 2 years begging for death. I wanted to die more than live.
I found Q in 2017.
I found VK in 2018.
Most People dont know how VK helped me save myself. I was so afraid of the pull that he had on me that I never interacted until 1.2020. I watched and he taught me. I cant explain it.
In hindsight learning to Trust Myself And God has been the hardest thing Ive ever had to do- besides that surgery.
I dont know if I would be alive to write this if it werent for this simple VK tweet.
VK, if you see this
From the depth of my Soul, Thank You. I am eternally Grateful for you. I truly love you My Friend