This week is just difficult, spent last Christmas in hospital bedside, watching my dad die slowly until he passed Boxing day morning.
Got crappy news yesterday that seems to have dashed all hopes of escaping this crackhead community in which we live in fear daily and are threatened in our own home, my kids will suffer this trauma for life and its all my fault for not having the means to escape.
All I dream of is property with no neighbours, peace and quiet to grow food to share with others who need it, to show others via free workshops how to grow food, preserve food, grow and make natural medicines.
My mental health has never been this bad, recent experience of being threatened with a knife by junkie neighbour has stirred up my ptsd that I have had mostly under control for the last 8 years (from an abusive relationship I was in since I was 15).
Why does it all come down to money?!
I feel like a complete failure and have lost all hope.
Got crappy news yesterday that seems to have dashed all hopes of escaping this crackhead community in which we live in fear daily and are threatened in our own home, my kids will suffer this trauma for life and its all my fault for not having the means to escape.
All I dream of is property with no neighbours, peace and quiet to grow food to share with others who need it, to show others via free workshops how to grow food, preserve food, grow and make natural medicines.
My mental health has never been this bad, recent experience of being threatened with a knife by junkie neighbour has stirred up my ptsd that I have had mostly under control for the last 8 years (from an abusive relationship I was in since I was 15).
Why does it all come down to money?!
I feel like a complete failure and have lost all hope.
10:05 AM - Dec 20, 2022
Only people mentioned by Awake_Elf in this post can reply
Franco Loperfido
@FRA68
26 May, 06:28
In response Awake Elf to her Publication
.....Non è colpa tua. Considera che hai seguito un percorso strano ma funzionale anche alla resilienza dei tuoi figli.....non darti colpe....se sei qui c'è uno scopo....uno scopo che ne' io ne tu comprendiamo fino in fondo......non darti colpe.....non ha senso....continua il tuo percorso, attraversa la linea come già hai fatto e non deviare.....è un percorso che hai tracciato molto tempo fa
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Awake Elf
@Awake_Elf
29 May, 05:59
In response Franco Loperfido to his Publication
Thank you, it has been a dream for 20+ years now, I am trying hard to daily envision the outcome, to see it all play out to keep my dream alive.
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Franco Loperfido
@FRA68
26 May, 06:22
In response Awake Elf to her Publication
Io ho seppellito mio padre il 31 dicembre 2022.....sto ancora cercando di farmene una ragione. Credimi che tutto ha uno scopo e c'è una ragione dietro ai fatti della nostra vita. Stai/stiamo per assistere ad uno "fucking tsunami".....stai in salute, sopravvivi a questo momento.....io, tu ed altri capiremo meglio dopo.....per ora sopravvivi perchè sei qui per un motivo.....altro non mi sento di dirti, stai con noi, poi capiremo meglio.
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Awake Elf
@Awake_Elf
29 May, 06:04
In response Franco Loperfido to his Publication
I am so sorry you understand my pain of loosing your father.
The hardest thing I have gone through was loosing my dad as we were so close and I still have so many regrets of missed opportunities, I was told it gets easier but Im not there yet. Last year saw me sink to such depths as I have never felt such grief.
I have been having very vivid dreams about him lately.
I am doing my best to make sure we are all healthy, stocking as much food and medicine as I can afford, getting busy growing food and honestly just wanting what ever it is to happen soon as this living in limbo is exhausting and each time I am tested I doubt my ability to be strong yet again.
The hardest thing I have gone through was loosing my dad as we were so close and I still have so many regrets of missed opportunities, I was told it gets easier but Im not there yet. Last year saw me sink to such depths as I have never felt such grief.
I have been having very vivid dreams about him lately.
I am doing my best to make sure we are all healthy, stocking as much food and medicine as I can afford, getting busy growing food and honestly just wanting what ever it is to happen soon as this living in limbo is exhausting and each time I am tested I doubt my ability to be strong yet again.
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Mike Anon
@Mike314
08 May, 10:19
In response Awake Elf to her Publication
God wouldn't give you anything that you couldn't handle.
Try to hang in there.
Try to hang in there.
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Awake Elf
@Awake_Elf
29 May, 06:30
In response Mike Anon to his Publication
Thank you, I try to remind myself of this often, last week I was feeling so weak with bad happenings day after day after day, just one of those phases where life knocks you down as soon as you get up. It is exhausting.
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Franco Loperfido
@FRA68
07 May, 09:07
In response Awake Elf to her Publication
Ciò che sogni puoi realizzarlo.....se inizi a mettere in pratica il tuo sogno le cose succedono "come per magia".....nella tua vita subentrano inaspettatamente anime e fatti, sta succedendo a me. Sembra "una magia" ma forse è una questione di fisica. Se hai sogni ed ideali.....comincia a metterli in pratica e condividili....poi le cose accadono.
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Awake Elf
@Awake_Elf
08 May, 07:43
In response Franco Loperfido to his Publication
I keep telling the universe how I want to help, while I dont feel any closer to my dream, I have faith something is working in the background to help get me there. In the mean time I am doing what I can physically to prepare.
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Awake Elf
@Awake_Elf
08 May, 07:44
In response Franco Loperfido to his Publication
I am glad it is happening for you, I wish for you to have your dream 💚
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Yvonne McNeil
@Yvonne_M
03 March, 08:58
In response Awake Elf to her Publication
Hang in there. In the blink of an eye it could all change. Keep the faith think positive. Think of what you want and don’t give power to what you don’t have. You got this. This to shall pass.
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Awake Elf
@Awake_Elf
06 May, 02:45
In response Yvonne McNeil to her Publication
Thank you, I am trying so hard to focus on the future to get through this current rough time.
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Franco Loperfido
@FRA68
03 March, 07:27
In response Awake Elf to her Publication
Se non hai i mezzi per la fuga forse è perchè la fuga non era la soluzione. Tu non sei un fallimento, i tuoi figli capiranno dopo e tu già lo capisci inconsciamente...hai semplicemente fatto un percorso che era destinato a te e che sai di avere scelto....un bel viaggio con tanti ostacoli necessari.
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Awake Elf
@Awake_Elf
06 May, 02:57
In response Franco Loperfido to his Publication
Thank you, I know I have lessons to learn from this. It has taught me how fiercely I will protect my family too.
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anna justice
@Truth_
27 December, 03:39
In response Awake Elf to her Publication
After having been completely homeless, I am able to celebrate and be grateful for a roof over my head...Any roof. Many are not so fortunate. There is ALWAYS something to be grateful for.
Find it, and your perspective will shift. I promise.
hugs.
Find it, and your perspective will shift. I promise.
hugs.
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Awake Elf
@Awake_Elf
19 January, 04:39
In response anna justice to her Publication
Thank you, I have been trying so hard to do this. My place of peace is my garden, growing food. Its hard to do that when Im out there and the neighbour is loosing it or trying to cause issues with me and others or smashing on my fence etc.
I am grateful for a roof over our heads, I just want more for my kids and for them not to have to deal with crackheads causing us so many problems.
I am grateful for a roof over our heads, I just want more for my kids and for them not to have to deal with crackheads causing us so many problems.
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Lori Crittenden
@LoriCrit
25 December, 09:25
In response Awake Elf to her Publication
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Awake Elf
@Awake_Elf
19 January, 07:32
In response Lori Crittenden to her Publication
Thank you💚
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Kindred Spirit
@OccamsRazQr
23 December, 11:01
In response Awake Elf to her Publication
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Awake Elf
@Awake_Elf
19 January, 07:34
In response Kindred Spirit to her Publication
Thank you💚 every time I have thought of quitting I come in here and our amazing AU family manage to pull me out of that hole.
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Only followers of this user (Colonel17QCarter777) can see their posts
Awake Elf
@Awake_Elf
19 January, 07:35
In response Colonel17Q Carter777-Z to her Publication
Spot on😞
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some one special to some
@godrus
23 December, 01:27
In response Awake Elf to her Publication
I'm very discouraged too. There is no 'extra' between my monthly income and living expenses: none. When I was younger, I could afford to hope for improvement 'one day' eventually but that time has passed and I am old now. I am tired of being a rat running on a wheel. What happens when I can't keep up the pace anymore? That day quickly approaches. Will I join the hundreds in the homeless camp down the road?
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Awake Elf
@Awake_Elf
19 January, 07:50
In response some one special to some to her Publication
I feel the same, it was so much easier to save, 20 years ago, now its living week to week.
I want such a better life for my kids. I just keep holding on to my dream of some farmland where we can be semi self sufficient and help others who need food or to learn skills etc. I just hope it happens before I am too old to work hard on my land.
Sending you lots of love💚
I want such a better life for my kids. I just keep holding on to my dream of some farmland where we can be semi self sufficient and help others who need food or to learn skills etc. I just hope it happens before I am too old to work hard on my land.
Sending you lots of love💚
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Yvonne McNeil
@Yvonne_M
03 March, 09:02
In response some one special to some to her Publication
No you will not because you made it through to this point. You are stronger than you will ever give yourself credit for. Hang in there a little longer. You were chosen for this time.
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Brandy Molina
@bmolina0003
23 December, 06:40
In response Awake Elf to her Publication
Matthew 5th chapter:
“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when men revile you, and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. Rejoice and be very glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in this manner they persecuted the prophets who were before you."
Not all suffer the same but all who suffer have the promise of eternal life through our Lord Jesus Christ. Pray and have faith - God loves you.
“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when men revile you, and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. Rejoice and be very glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in this manner they persecuted the prophets who were before you."
Not all suffer the same but all who suffer have the promise of eternal life through our Lord Jesus Christ. Pray and have faith - God loves you.
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Awake Elf
@Awake_Elf
19 January, 07:52
In response Brandy Molina to her Publication
Thank you💚 it has been some very trying times, I am finding it hard to not think ill wishes towards the neighbour, trying so hard to send love instead but her stirring up my ptsd has just bought me down so much.
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23 December, 06:28
In response Awake Elf to her Publication
Please do not lose hope dear one. Believe in your own vision of yourself and what you want for your family. You have the power to overcome.
When I read your post, I thought of this post from Doq Holliday, posted 2 days ago. It might be a good place to start. When you say it..believe it.
Doq Holliday @doqholliday
2 days ago
You will own your own home on your own property in the most ideal location for you.
And you will be happy.
Say that 3 times in a row, 3x per day.
When I read your post, I thought of this post from Doq Holliday, posted 2 days ago. It might be a good place to start. When you say it..believe it.
Doq Holliday @doqholliday
2 days ago
You will own your own home on your own property in the most ideal location for you.
And you will be happy.
Say that 3 times in a row, 3x per day.
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Awake Elf
@Awake_Elf
19 January, 07:54
In response janice marie to her Publication
Thank you, I am clinging on to the hope of freedom for my family.
Every day I sit and envision what it will be like, the joy it will bring me to provide for my family and any one else who needs food.
The last 2 months have been so tough. I am trying so hard to remain positive and have hope when I just feel like falling in a heap.
Every day I sit and envision what it will be like, the joy it will bring me to provide for my family and any one else who needs food.
The last 2 months have been so tough. I am trying so hard to remain positive and have hope when I just feel like falling in a heap.
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Sarah Jones
@MsSarah
23 December, 06:10
In response Awake Elf to her Publication
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judi jones
@justj88
23 December, 03:42
In response Awake Elf to her Publication
number uno you are not a failure because you identify whats going on ..there are many who would love to escape and as you say grow food etc away from it all.. you have skills and a big heart wanting to share them with others ....and a vision of a better future ..maybe someone on here thinks the same and would like to connect with you ,you never know what 2023 will bring us all ..much love from one anon to another ..weve got this ...christmas can be tough but theres a new year just around the corner ..lv j x
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Awake Elf
@Awake_Elf
03 March, 06:06
In response judi jones to her Publication
Thank you for your kind words 💚 I am throwing my heart in to growing food here, it is the only realistic way I can save to escape, as the price of everything has gone up so much.
I have even had to reduce my sons therapies (as its 3 hour round trip) as fuel is so expensive now.
I really hope 2023 is the year all our dreams come true
I have even had to reduce my sons therapies (as its 3 hour round trip) as fuel is so expensive now.
I really hope 2023 is the year all our dreams come true
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Victoria ~ Z Skywalker
@Victoria1144
23 December, 02:32
In response Awake Elf to her Publication
and btw - again - it also is not your "fault" you haven't been able to escape. do you ever think about starting an online fundraiser (givesendgo - just not go fund me) - to raise the funds to start that community you seek? i have...........maybe it's time..........i have a telegram group i started months ago because i was tired of waiting for this new world. it's small and going nowhere. but i keep at it because i have felt for YEARS enough of us working together - raising capital - we can do this - maybe not as freely as we would like as long as still are in this system - but it would be much better than where you are.
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Awake Elf
@Awake_Elf
03 March, 06:08
In response Victoria ~ Z Skywalker to her Publication
This is a brilliant idea, but Im useless at asking for help. I have been putting it out there to the universe that I need help, that if it is meant to be this has to be the year it happens (I need to be set up before my health conditions make the 'hard work of starting this all' impossible for me.
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Victoria ~ Z Skywalker
@Victoria1144
23 December, 02:28
In response Awake Elf to her Publication
Oh how I hear your words and feel your pain. I am so sorry about your dad. And having ptsd stirred up (i know what that is like). I've been stuck as well all due to money and the mental fatigue and anger I feel at times over that is overwhelming. You are NOT a failure. You are a Bright Light of God living in a shitty matrix run by/created by evil. Jesus - who isn't going through their own personal hell atm? I pray you SEE how beautiful you are - your vision is so wonderful - and I align with it very much (i too want out of my city - property in a rural area - to just. live. freely. and. peacefully). NEVER GIVE UP! If you need to talk, please d/m me.
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Awake Elf
@Awake_Elf
03 March, 06:09
In response Victoria ~ Z Skywalker to her Publication
I am so sorry I never saw this earlier but I think I was just meant to see it now when I have started on a downward spiral again, some new health issues have popped up (stress related) and it just feels like I am stuck in this loop.
Thank you for your kindness, I really appreciate it and hope you can escape to your dream property very soon 💚 💚 💚
Thank you for your kindness, I really appreciate it and hope you can escape to your dream property very soon 💚 💚 💚
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Patriot Sam
@PatriotSam7
23 December, 02:25
In response Awake Elf to her Publication
🙏🙏🙏
Praying you will get your hope back! It seems that before the birth of something great, there is great pain. So, be encouraged, dear Awake Elf... And I am so sorry about your dad... He is praying for you from up in Heaven and is also with you somehow still... God bless and strengthen you and give you His kind of peace that confounds all understanding ... and the kind that walks you out of bad situations and into your beautiful destiny ahead! So, don't give up! You've come this far, just a little while longer... 🙏❤️ Jesus is with you...
Praying you will get your hope back! It seems that before the birth of something great, there is great pain. So, be encouraged, dear Awake Elf... And I am so sorry about your dad... He is praying for you from up in Heaven and is also with you somehow still... God bless and strengthen you and give you His kind of peace that confounds all understanding ... and the kind that walks you out of bad situations and into your beautiful destiny ahead! So, don't give up! You've come this far, just a little while longer... 🙏❤️ Jesus is with you...
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Awake Elf
@Awake_Elf
03 March, 06:12
In response Patriot Sam to her Publication
Thank you for your prayers 💚 it means so much that people care about me, a complete stranger the other side of the world...thats what gives me hope.
I am trying hard to focus on my dream, it has to happen soon as this place is destroying me.
I am trying hard to focus on my dream, it has to happen soon as this place is destroying me.
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Diane Goldman
@DGold
23 December, 01:53
In response Awake Elf to her Publication
Praying for strength and hope that your needs are meet this day.
🙏🙏🙏
🙏🙏🙏
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Awake Elf
@Awake_Elf
03 March, 06:12
In response Diane Goldman to her Publication
💚
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___ Fritz28
@Fritz28
22 December, 11:46
In response Awake Elf to her Publication
🙏…..I feel ya, going through a blackhole myself. Praying for that miracle as well.
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Awake Elf
@Awake_Elf
03 March, 06:13
In response ___ Fritz28 to his Publication
I hope you are doing better my friend, sending tonnes of love 💚
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TAKESHI QUDO
@takeshiqudo
22 December, 10:17
In response Awake Elf to her Publication
🙏🙏🙏
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Ultra Maga North Carolina Patriot
@Godismysavior777
22 December, 08:29
In response Awake Elf to her Publication
🙏🙏🙏🙏
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Law & Physics
@physics171
22 December, 07:07
In response Awake Elf to her Publication
🙏💜
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Franco Loperfido
@FRA68
22 December, 06:27
In response Awake Elf to her Publication
Sei qui per un motivo, non è un fallimento.
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Awake Elf
@Awake_Elf
03 March, 06:14
In response Franco Loperfido to his Publication
Thank you, Im trying hard to remind myself of this 💚
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Mrs. Ohcountrygal
@Ohcountrygal
22 December, 05:36
In response Awake Elf to her Publication
Praying🙏🕊
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Lori Mckeon
@lorirw
22 December, 04:30
In response Awake Elf to her Publication
i too am joining in prayer. cry out to God,speak from your heart and give...surrender to him...EVERYTHING! This is hard to do if you have been raiesed not to trust completetly. God IS there waiting for you and you family with open arms.
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Awake Elf
@Awake_Elf
03 March, 06:15
In response Kristina ❤️❤️ to her Publication
Thank you, I hope your dream comes true 💚
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CharRose
@CharRose
22 December, 02:26
In response Awake Elf to her Publication
Most, if not all of us have had rock bottoms --I know I have had more than a handful. So from experience, my rock bottoms propelled me into a much better place than I had ever been. There is a catch though---you can't give up. Is it hard, oh yes, but you can't give up. Your children are your biggest incentive to keep going. We create our own reality---You have a beautiful dream, write it down as though it has already happened.
Sending you and your children lots of love. Petitioning our Divine Creator to cover you in peace and protection.
Sending you and your children lots of love. Petitioning our Divine Creator to cover you in peace and protection.
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Cam Mac
@campmac111
22 December, 03:20
In response CharRose to her Publication
Wonderful points and excellent advice. Binding my prayers with yours, and all good souls praying similar, for AE's perfect peace, wisdom, understanding and inspiration to positively move forward to create the dream shared here and much, much more. Thank You Good Lord for Your perfect help in this matter, Thy will be done. It is so, so it is.🙏🙏🙏😇😇😇
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Awake Elf
@Awake_Elf
03 March, 06:18
In response CharRose to her Publication
Thank you for your beautiful words, I too have been rock bottom before but never with grief like this nor threats from dangerous crackheads.
My kids are my biggest incentive, I just want peace for us all.
I constantly dream of what our new place will be like, how my gardens will grow and flourish - sometimes it is the only hope I have to hold on to.
Sending you tonnes of love, thank you for caring 💚
My kids are my biggest incentive, I just want peace for us all.
I constantly dream of what our new place will be like, how my gardens will grow and flourish - sometimes it is the only hope I have to hold on to.
Sending you tonnes of love, thank you for caring 💚
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22 December, 01:31
In response Awake Elf to her Publication
. 🙏
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