This week is just difficult, spent last Christmas in hospital bedside, watching my dad die slowly until he passed Boxing day morning.

Got crappy news yesterday that seems to have dashed all hopes of escaping this crackhead community in which we live in fear daily and are threatened in our own home, my kids will suffer this trauma for life and its all my fault for not having the means to escape.

All I dream of is property with no neighbours, peace and quiet to grow food to share with others who need it, to show others via free workshops how to grow food, preserve food, grow and make natural medicines.

My mental health has never been this bad, recent experience of being threatened with a knife by junkie neighbour has stirred up my ptsd that I have had mostly under control for the last 8 years (from an abusive relationship I was in since I was 15).

Why does it all come down to money?!

I feel like a complete failure and have lost all hope.

Matthew 5th chapter:
“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when men revile you, and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. Rejoice and be very glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in this manner they persecuted the prophets who were before you."

Not all suffer the same but all who suffer have the promise of eternal life through our Lord Jesus Christ. Pray and have faith - God loves you.