it's to the point i don't even let myself go to a date ...my heart /essence can't take dates anymore. any dayes, we dont even know what the hell fake calendar, day, time we exist on/in...it's all fake. all made up, changed constantly (like leap year added) to confusion & keep many lost.

i have to hold it together & not get any expectations up anymore...FOR ANY DATE

if i hold a date ...it tears apart MY HEART a little more each time. so my solution was to let it go. i watch the posts & keep myself in check, like an outsider looking in & keep emotions in balance.

when something big & i mean a big big big, the biggest thing that could happen, happens....i maybe sitting stunned in reserved mode staring 😑🥴in disbelief😳