Becoming a widow, having 2 do all the jobs your husband did, whilst still trying 2 maintain the jobs you do as a mom, all because you have very little money coming in now. But also trying 2 maintain yourself in the very little time you have left in a day 4 yourself, you play catch everyday with those chores. The last couple of weeks I've sat in my little car, & cried, & cried, it was the 10th anniversary of my husband's passing, on the 1st of Oct, our daughter's 20th birthday on the 11th, 10 years after her Dad passed, & 20 days after our first family grand daughter was born, he so wished 2 survive long enough 2 see the baby being born. I live in a home I'm unable to manage, it has 3 flights of stairs, I'm selling off family stuff & decluttering the rooms of family clutter. This is heartbreaking raising a few pounds 2 an have extra few pounds, my home needs repairs I can't afford, the weight of responsibility is crushing my soul. At times I wished I wouldn't wake up from my sleep.