When I struggle to focus and get work done I have to engage self-compassion; the anxiety comes from trauma, and I am not lazy or weak for experiencing it. Small administrative tasks (we're talking silly stuff like updating my credit card on an art website) can trip me up, as everything "administrative" is now hostile and provocative.

It feels pathetic, until you remember that "administration" has been enslaving us all and killing our loved ones. Silent weapons can leave you "self-gaslighting" as you deny your own invisible wounds.

When I feel a freeze response it can snowball, as I then worry about doing what needs to be done and earning a living. It is very hard for me to just accept I have done enough already and if I have to coast for a bit and just be looked after by supporters then that's not a failure.

A collapsed financial system would paradoxically make the economic side of all this much easier to deal with.

When someone is your family, you FEEL it. I love you Martin.

I used to sit Indian style in the grass when I was 5 or 6 or so and just pluck blades up and feel the resistance while sensing everything around me. Feeling the cloud shadows and sunlight move over me. I wasn’t smiling of course because I was contented. I’m sure my parents thought I was sad.

I wasn’t :)