When @vincentkennedy said anons will have PTSD when all is said and done, that really hit home. The superficial image of psychological, biological, information, and spiritual warfare is "clean". But that's just the "silent weapon fallacy" — it's every bit as barbaric as any other kind of war, and the wounds are mostly invisible. I am not the person i was at the outset, mostly in good ways, but I am also brutalised and bruised. The isolation, pervasiveness, and depravity of it definitely wear you down.

Already there . . . I miss the person I used to be. My husband who suffers from it from a violent crime used to say how he missed the trusting person that he was before getting shot and almost killed.
Now I know what he feels.
I don't know how I will ever trust again.
The joyful side of me is gone. I would give anything to get it back. The sleepers around me are so darn happy. I miss being happy. I know I will never be the same.