I’ve been fighting with myself for way too long, I imagine I’m not the only one. doing shit that makes sense in [their] system, but things I know to be unsustainable (a miserable day to day) just to ‘survive’ and stay afloat.

conflicted as fook, scared of change.
I know I’m wrong and can’t keep this up, just don’t know how to get right.

Right there with you…my life appears so upside down to what seems “normal” to most, but has never seemed to fit me right. I haven’t worked in over two years (taking care of my late husband), but the thought of taking a job that I don’t love is soul-crushing. I’ve worked for several major corporations, and I can’t tolerate the bullshit. But God has kept my bills paid and I feel like while I’m treading water most days, I’m also in the middle of a major growth spurt! Just holding on, praying for guidance…