I have always struggled with church (the building full of churchgoers) and never found a comfortable place there, since I was child. I have tried. I tried again recently, but feel I don't fit and I feel rejected somehow, even though people do not outwardly reject me. I recently spoke with the pastor whom I respect, who pretty much told me I was never saved because I could not remember a time when I actually thanked Christ for his sacrifice. I don't have a "testimony". I had felt a relationship with God for a long time, so this shattered me and insulted my pride also. I feel compelled not to return to that church, any church, and continue to struggle with how God sees me. I don't know if that pastor was right or wrong. I have been slandered in the past by self righteous moms who observed that I didn't attend church, spreading the lie that I don't believe in God. They never bothered to get to know me. So right now I will do what I have always done, turn to God and the Bible and pray.