When I struggle to focus and get work done I have to engage self-compassion; the anxiety comes from trauma, and I am not lazy or weak for experiencing it. Small administrative tasks (we're talking silly stuff like updating my credit card on an art website) can trip me up, as everything "administrative" is now hostile and provocative.

It feels pathetic, until you remember that "administration" has been enslaving us all and killing our loved ones. Silent weapons can leave you "self-gaslighting" as you deny your own invisible wounds.

When I feel a freeze response it can snowball, as I then worry about doing what needs to be done and earning a living. It is very hard for me to just accept I have done enough already and if I have to coast for a bit and just be looked after by supporters then that's not a failure.

A collapsed financial system would paradoxically make the economic side of all this much easier to deal with.

Oh gosh, I often say, especially during tax season, administrative duties are the absolute bane of my existence. My "avoidance behavior" is off the charts for such things. I used to think I was lazy and irresponsible because of it. Then, I agreed with suggestions that "creative people just don't tend to those things well". Could be that in part. But now...I've come to realize that it's just my gut reaction to our enslavement. I loathe bureaucracy, banks and government. Ha, lightbulb moment...maybe it actually does go back to "creative people are FREE spirits! Don't be hard on yourself, Martin. As I've gotten older, i realize there are many more of us than you'd guess.