Am feeling a bit melancholy. Have come through some struggles in the last 6 months that don't belong in public (and partly as it's not centred on me — privacy of others matters, even those who treat me poorly).

The phase of waking people up so they don't do crazy suicidal sh*t is over. Not quite sure where I am heading at the moment, or where to focus my energies. Missing London, but the place makes me nervous at the moment. Missing friends, but also want time on my own. Missing family, but lots of problems there best left unsaid.

Is the hard part over, or just beginning? I don't know. How do I fit in the world when it's woken up? I don't know. What's the right balance between everyday operational stuff vs big picture thinking? I don't know.

It's been a long war, with some way to go.

I spend 40 hours a week working with people who you would think would surely know the plan, who would know the real story. Nope. It is like banging my head against a wall all day every day. I thank God for my anon friends.