Over the years of doing this war work you kind of taken onboard the mentality of the intelligence community (e.g. don't naively trust anything or anyone or take anything at surface value!). I am really not cut out for that kind of work — institutions, secrets, chain of command are all anathema to my way of being. Everyone has their contribution to make, and mine is different to theirs. Comparisons are unhealthy; just as I cannot do the job of a special forces soldier in a DUMB, they would struggle with my very public and empathetic role. It's too early to do war memoire, the crux moves are yet to pass, but we can reflect upon the lived experience as we go along and document it. I find wild mood swings can be part of the trip as events around me lift me up or frustrate my hopes — the invisibility of the war, and its essentially "already won" nature, doesn't stop it from being real at the daily life level. If what I do was easy, for example, more would be doing it.