This is my reality… another 6 months of HIV meds collected today. Refused their kind offers of flu and monkeypox jabs. Seems like I am trending towards osteoporosis as side effect of pharma after a few years. Have no idea what I have inside me, if anything, or what good these pills might do.

I have lived hard and fast over a long period, so possibly dying young is not a surprise to me. In a way, not giving a **** about my own welfare has been liberating, because I could do the rather extreme Q analyst job without concern about consequences or my safety.

I look forward to the truth coming out about Fauci and the HIV bioweapon. There seem to be cures at the ready. I kind of live healthily, except when I don’t, if you get my oblique message. Am not sure if I ever will find my way to tamed domesticity… has eluded me. Longevity sounds like a bit of a curse, given all I have endured.

I would rather people see the messy fuller picture than idolise some polished avatar.

Martin, I love you much friend. Through the years your daily thoughts to typed prose have split the darkness with light for millions… MILLIONS of minds worldwide. I know that for me you spoke, to my heart, so eloquently exactly what I needed to read both in season and out, and this you could never known would be the case for hours of intense thought and laughter that heals.

I am very ill and have been for a while now and there isn’t anything that can be done. The friendships we have made in this war are what keeps me going. It carries me away from illness and into joy. The sound of machines in my room at night fade away while reading.

I pray for you often. God has His hand on you, His loving creation, and He knows your heart. You are fierce in wit and determination. Your pen is your sword. Mighty it be. My prayer is for your healing tonight. May His hand touch your head and His presence wash like cool water over you so that you know without any doubt that He loves YOU.