Martin Geddes donated @martingeddes
15 January, 10:55
Any kind of interaction with any authority that has maimed or stolen is feeling very heavy and draining. The old system keeps making its bureaucratic demands, but I find myself having a trauma freeze response to trivial things. It’s getting like shellshock but without any shrapnel.

I am supposed to write and make beauty in order to justify getting paid by those who subscribed, but I am not in that place right now. Over and over I fall, for years, and each time there is a fight inside to stand up again. Maybe that’s all I can document, so it isn’t hidden away.

Part of me says my problems are all of my own making. Another part excuses my failings because of the persecutory context, and my weariness of carrying a very public and personal burden of dissent. The spiritual war is to keep the desire to live to see another day stronger than the one to self-destruct.

Last week was really bad. I guess all that matters is avoiding more damage so I can fight on another day.

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Starry Peacock @Starry_Peacock
You have done all you can to practice your art & gift, expressing it here in this world

But this has taken its toll on you, me & many others

I know you want to fulfill what you feel are your obligations, but at some the point the bough threatens to break

There's an expression, something to the effect that you can't fully give to others if your own glass is empty
It sounds like it's time to replenish your cup

Blessings to you
01:57 AM - Jan 17, 2023
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