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Some good advice.

Finding God in my own experience came in levels.

I was saved in church at 12 and by saved I mean the spirit of God came into me quite physically and emotionally.

I have always known Jesus and have always believed in and felt God in my life.

When I bled out & had NDE in my 20's I was in God's presence & learned what we really are>infinite fractals of God. I learned that God is not the grandfather figure floating in the clouds we have been led to believe, He literally everything everywhere, and CAN be any form He likes.

Everyday since then has been bonus days for me. You can ask my daughter, I really thought for yrs that once my kids were grown and on their own my time here would be up.

I was prepared for that for yrs, was fine with it.Then when my son died about a yr after graduating Pharmacy school, I not only grieved him but I couldn't understand why God took him instead of me.Once the 2 of them were born I thought God sent me back to...

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I thought God had just sent me back long enough to get my 2 kids raised up, I believed that was the purpose of throwing me back.
After that my relationship with God changed yet again to another level. I was never mad at God for taking my children. I understood where they went. Sometimes I felt guilty not really understanding why him instead of me. I was ready and he had a little girl here, but God saw me thr the hardest thing in my life I ever had to do.
It was very hard when I lost the newborn twins, but when I lost my boy I had for 28 yrs, it was only thro God holding my hand that I was able to climb out of the deep dark pit that throws every parent into, sorry Dad's but Mother's are worse.

For yrs I did not understand what God's purpose was for me now, until he threw down a lightening bolt in the shape of a cross with a baby under it & DEMANDED I pay attention.

This connecting to the actual God consciousness the last 4yrs has been a huge jump in levels. Now I understa

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I have always had some abilities - seeing things before they happen, and an awareness of other worldly things. I have been awake since 1984 in varying degrees. I knew about the Illuminuttis back then.
In the early 90's I knew about Fritz Springmier and MK programming.
I have been fully awake since about 1995.
Most of my time is spent researching and trying to make sense of life.
I have never doubted God being present in my life.

For me.... since age 5. God is real and we, who have walked with Him for many, many years - know this. His presence was very strong at moments of great pain in my life and He stood by me in my wrong choices bringing me back on track. He never left me alone to walk through anything in my life that He didn't provide an answer. With the keen spirit of discernment He blesses me with, He shows me what work needs to be done - what Word of His needs to be spoken and He will even tell me to be silent and watch - that His Word is a pearl of great price and even though that WORD is for everyone - not everyone will keep it close to their heart and polished for the pearl it is. He doesn't cast His Word before swine where it's trampled.

He was there when my sons died and later when my grandsons died and He was there when I was in the MRI tube and Satan came to buffet my undying faith. The Spirit of the Lord came upon me and out came HIS WORD in warfare battle that cleared that MRI Lab of staff.

Holy Cow! You have been through a lot!
One of my fondest memories of childhood was standing looking at the sun. It wasn't too bright, but in the deep orange light, I felt complete bliss. SOmehow I knew it was God, and it has always reminded me I am not alone.
Thank you for sharing some very hard life situations you have been through. We walk the road, together!