It is a bittersweet day for me with 5Y∆. I have struggled in ways that don't belong in public. Helping others with clarity, encouragement, and amusement has given me diversionary purpose. The underlying wounds and fractures are still there and are not yet healed.

In an odd way the resolution of the Q matter with truth and justice, and even newfound financial freedom, doesn't help and makes it worse. The basic problem of "who am I?" and what I identify with hasn't advanced much. The sense of self built on the mind and body (not spirit) brings a tricky legacy.

"A policeman's lot is not a happy one" goes the old song, and maybe it's true of all protector activities including being a (digital) warrior. There's an innate sadness in being called upon to sacrifice and suffer because fools, cowards, and sociopaths only care about themselves. Why me, why now, why here? I just wanted to be left alone.

Still seeking inner peace... have my internal calms and storms going on.

Martin, you have come too far to give up on you...War is hard, no matter what kind and where you are in the battle, whether it be leading the battle or bringing up the rear...we have all felt what you are feeling right now at sometime or other and it is hard...family that shuns you or friends that are not awake to what is really going on...being called crazy or a conspiracy nut, whatever...your inner peace comes from our lord and savior...He is the almighty and will bring you thru all that is troubling you if you let him...I keep you in my prayers for you are a true warrior and patriot for humanity...Hang in there, You got this...