My feelings too. Right before I awakened two years ago God started dealing with me about how I had become so lukewarm. Now I’m closer to Him than ever. At the same time getting red-pilled. I needed both to happen at the same time obviously. It made me not as interested in the friends I had. They are still my friends, we’re just not in the same place in life. I’m not interested in the trivial. No new real friends. It’s lonely. I’m a social person and need interaction. It’s where a lot of my happiness comes from. The very definition of “being in the valley” from the Bible. The only time I laugh or smile is with people now. The joy seems gone

But, I’ve always been a hopeful person. I thrive on hope. And my hope and trust is in God. My joy will come back. We will eventually make it up the mountain. Yes I want things to be better, what’s been promised. But even if not, I will still trust in God. He knows best and I can only fathom a minute bit of what He does. I relate to David’s Psalms