Its OK sweetie! We have these feelings too. Trust the plan sweetie! Trust in God. He has both hands on the steering wheel and the petal is to the metal right now! You know its happening but you gotta stay strong now for your friends and family. You are gonna have to help them thru these next steps and hold their hand thru it. I pray for your strength and for you to have peace. Trust in you cause I'm sure you are a really smart cookie and you already know all this.

https://www.keyministry.or...
Why does God allow coronavirus and other types of suffering?

See also:
https://bibleinoneyear.org...
https://www.griefshare.org...
https://biologos.org/artic...
https://www.baptist.org.uk...

We are suffering for the evil that we did in this life. But for some reason we are awake and see/feel it all. I don't get the reasoning for it. But I know others have watched loved ones die over the years. Are we so blesses as to not watch the same? It's the mercy of the gods that put us here at this time. I don't have any anwsers. But we are awake non the less to all this. I will await whatever judgement falls before me. I am not one to question the will of God(s). I can only protect my own though this. We are all dust in the end so under that timeline I am thankful to be given what I have.