(I was asked why I dont attend someones church) my reply was this. Part 1
A new priest at his 1st mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied "I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass and if I get nervous I take a sip". So the next Sunday, the new priest preceded to talk up a storm. After the Mass, he found a note taped to the door.
#1 - Sip the vodka, dont gulp.
#2 -There are 10 commandments, not 12.
#3 -There are 12 Disciples, not 10
#4 -Jesus was consecrated, not constipated
#5 Jacob waged his donkey, he did not...bet his ass.
#6 -We don not refer to Jesus Christ...as the late J.C.
#7 -The Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost are not referred to as Big Daddy, Junior & the Spook.
#8 - David slew Goliath..he did not kick the shit out of him.
#9 When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey dont say. he was stoned off his ass.
#10 We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T'.