Putin slammed his fist on the table and exclaimed, “George Soros, you sly dragon, this is war,” according to sources close to the President. Putin then vowed to ramp up sanctions against Soros’s Open Society even further.

When questioned by a top aide as to what he meant by “dragon” (an unusual word in Russian), Putin sighed heavily and fixed the assembled group with his trademark stare before explaining that all is not what it seems in regards to how the world is run.

Resisting gentle attempts by close aides to stop the President ‘going there,’ Putin said that the evidence was everywhere, and that he personally had intimate knowledge of their dealings. He said that he was not one of them, but they are afraid of him and have attempted to lure him into their “ancient Babylonian cult.”