Hilarious! 🤣

👉When 1 door closes & another door opens, u are probably in prison.

👉To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.

👉Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.

👉It's the start of a brand new day, & I'm off like a herd of turtles.

👉The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

👉When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday & 15 yrs ago.

👉I remember being able to get up w/o making sound fx.

👉I had my patience tested. I'm negative.

👉When u ask me what I am doing today,& I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.

👉I finally got 8hrs of sleep. It took me 3days, but whatever.

👉I run like the winded.

👉I hate when a couple argues in public,& I missed the start& don't know whose side I'm on

👉.When u do squats, are ur knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed w/ celeryl

-source unknown.