Not the same, but I lost a nephew many years ago. It was agony. My sister suffered greatly of course but made it through. Find support groups with others going through this. It may seem trite but it really is helpful. Allow yourself to grieve and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Do you know Jessica on here that recently lost her 18 year old daughter in a car crash? Connect with her. I do feel your pain and I am sending you hugs, love, and prayers. 🌈💗🙏