I agree with you, but I really struggle with letting my husband go. We've been together 47 years - most of that time spent helping to care for my mother, after my father's death, and supporting her in her fight to wrestle back control of his estate from certain executors, whom always seemed to be more focused on their own ultimate gain, as beneficiaries of the estate (also), rather than on Mom's immediate needs, as "life interest" of said estate. That whole thing has been an ongoing nightmare, and as such, has seriously impacted our life, as a couple (long story).
Now, that my mother has gone to her reward, and the final battle over my father's estate has been settled, I'm so hoping for another chance at making love work. However, life is such that hubby now feels that he has to work 24/7 for the rest of his life, just to keep standing still - financially speaking. He’s like a horse wearing blinkers… he gets to see just enough to get through his workaday world, and nothing more!

I sympathize with these circumstances and find it very sweet and honorable that you cared for your mother and feelp so strongly about preserving your 47 year relationship. I think that the best is yet to come for you and your husband. Very soon, we will all be on the same page. Men, myself included, can use work sometimes to distract ourselves from some of the important shadow work that needs getting done. We'll have much more time for that shortly. Much of the financial pressure will be relieved and allow you to get to know each other again. It was all a game to keep us in a constant state of stress and dis-ease. Your 47 years of commitment are a testimony to your devotion. I feel very hopeful. Thanks for sharing.