How did people joining the intelligence services ever get inducted into all this occult knowledge? How do they keep a semblance of sanity when it turns out the backbone of it isn't even classified, just normies ignore it all? How do intelligence insiders manage ordinary human failure of their own, as nobody is morally pristine? How do you socialise at work when operating in a compartmentalised environment? How do you trust the institution you work for when you are a cog in the machine?

I know that there's a lot of "fiction" that is pseudo-documentary that answers all these matters and more. Am just emotionally exhausted from so many years of being out in public and the endless stress of waiting for resolution. Can't read books, watch long videos, sit still for talks. Too fried form excessive information warfare. I know in my heart I am not lazy or cowardly; the "trauma freezes" are real psychological injuries that affect me and my ability to engage. AU is pastoral support.

There must be something in the air, or we are all on the same circuit. I too feel this today, very acutely.

I got out of bed to make tea, and thought, "Here we go again. Another day in the trenches."

Truly, another day in the trenches of the mind.

Why do we not just stop? Put the device down and just stop?

Because we care, not just about our personal situations, but about the world we move in. Our honor will not let us see the evil, and walk away from it.

However, @TheRealMe is right, adrenaline fatigue caused by stress is very real, it lowers our immunity, making us susceptible to illness, which in turn lowers our energy level.

This is a drain on our resources.

We are in a siege, beset on all sides, and our resources are limited.

We have to care for ourselves, so we can continue to fight, because, it seems, our honor will not let us just stop.

I can only assume, that those on the inside of the machine of evil, either, have no honor, or live in constant fear