How did people joining the intelligence services ever get inducted into all this occult knowledge? How do they keep a semblance of sanity when it turns out the backbone of it isn't even classified, just normies ignore it all? How do intelligence insiders manage ordinary human failure of their own, as nobody is morally pristine? How do you socialise at work when operating in a compartmentalised environment? How do you trust the institution you work for when you are a cog in the machine?

I know that there's a lot of "fiction" that is pseudo-documentary that answers all these matters and more. Am just emotionally exhausted from so many years of being out in public and the endless stress of waiting for resolution. Can't read books, watch long videos, sit still for talks. Too fried form excessive information warfare. I know in my heart I am not lazy or cowardly; the "trauma freezes" are real psychological injuries that affect me and my ability to engage. AU is pastoral support.

Exposing and battling dark truths does have an effect.

Personally, I've recognized that I go through these cycles of engagement, fatigue, reset, and recover in stages of short (days), medium (weeks), and longer-term (months).

Your camera has always helped boost me during the engagement period, Many other messages on AU have also been encouraging. Bible passages, thoughtful posts, and some memes lift me in different ways.

Maybe we were chosen for this.

There is a reason that we are right here, right now,

No coincidences.

Me, too…all of it. I’ve been having the most vivid nightmares the last couple weeks…getting about four hours sleep each night. But the one thing I take away from those nightmares, is that I’m never in fear. No matter what it is, there is no fear on my part.